There are two primary choices in life: Accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.
Even though I haven't always understood why, God has made me to be a woman that always rises to the occasion. He puts me in a set of circumstances that is difficult, heart-breaking, and impossible looking and then gently asks, 'Will you rise to the occasion, my precious daughter?' I've never said no yet, and I honestly can't see myself ever saying no to my beautiful Father God. That doesn't, however, mean that it is easy by any means of the definition.
The past two weeks in Kolkata have been rough. I've seen poverty that is more in your face than I've ever experienced in my life, I've seen dying people hungry for hope, children roaming the streets at one in the morning without a mother to protect them, and clearly have heard God asking me to rise to the occasion. This has meant putting myself in some really tough places abandoning comfort and reason- to love the poorest of the poor, and the sickest of the sick.
I've found myself abandoning more of myself- renouncing my so called 'needs' in attempts to feel God's heart for these people.
Mother Teresa herself says, "Renouncing means to offer my free will, my reason, my life, in an attitude of faith. My soul can be in darkness; trials are the surest tests of my blind renunciation. Renunciation also means love. The more we renounce, the more we love God and man."
Being around the sisters in Mother Teresa's home and the different homes they have for the dying, disabled, orphaned, and abandoned has taught me so much about renouncing myself. These women daily renounce their needs to meet the needs of others- and they have made a covenant with God to do this for their entire lives, something I'm not really sure I can comprehend right now.
I still am learning how to come to the end of myself, and God has begun to let me feel the weight of my calling and my commitment to educate and restore the trafficked in Asia. It is going to take huge sacrifice, no doubt.
I was in the hospital with a good friend a couple nights ago, waking up every half-hour with her and when a nurse would walk in the room- leaving me with little sleep and plenty of time to think. What I journaled explains a little bit of how God is changing my heart for renunciation and sacrifice.
I woke up in a new place again for what feels like the hundredth time in the past two months. This time in a hospital room with my friend. I used to wake up frantic in a new place and it would sometimes take hours to convince myself I was safe and okay. But last night I just turned to the other side and fell right back asleep when the nurses left the room.
So much traveling makes 'safe and okay' take on a completely new definition. I was laying awake thinking about how safe I really am in you Father, God. No matter where I'm at in this world you are my constant, my safe haven, and my house of peace. Holy Spirit can take me to those places when it feels like the ground beneath me starts to shake or even crumble beneath me.
I also felt the realness of sacrifice a little bit. Living for Kingdom to come to the nations means I will probably be in a hospital room in a foreign country again in my life, and it means I will wake up in countless new places with new faces. It means not always being able to choose comfort or what I want, or even who I want to go to for comfort and encouragement.
BUT...
It DOES mean great intimacy with you, Father.
It means a constant increase in trust and faith in you to provide for my needs.
It means finding my strength buried in you every day.
It means the craziest adventure I could ever dream up for myself not even coming close to what you have for me.
It means always having to rely on your stability and safety in my life.
It means not always knowing, but having all the wisdom and revelation that is treasured in you, God.
It means sometimes being poor and living like the poor, but knowing I'm the richest daughter in the world because of you, God.
It means seeing brokenness, hurt, pain, neglect, and death every day but getting to choose joy in You anyways God and pour out that hope anyways.
For the moments that seem overwhelming living amidst this chaos, and when that word sacrifice feels so heavy I don't think I can bear what it means- I choose to be grateful that God has allowed me to serve the poor. I choose this adventure with you God, over comfort, knowing, and 'stability.' I choose your intimacy, your overwhelming peace, and to continue to seek deeper parts of your heart for your people and for me.
Even though I haven't always understood why, God has made me to be a woman that always rises to the occasion. He puts me in a set of circumstances that is difficult, heart-breaking, and impossible looking and then gently asks, 'Will you rise to the occasion, my precious daughter?' I've never said no yet, and I honestly can't see myself ever saying no to my beautiful Father God. That doesn't, however, mean that it is easy by any means of the definition.
The past two weeks in Kolkata have been rough. I've seen poverty that is more in your face than I've ever experienced in my life, I've seen dying people hungry for hope, children roaming the streets at one in the morning without a mother to protect them, and clearly have heard God asking me to rise to the occasion. This has meant putting myself in some really tough places abandoning comfort and reason- to love the poorest of the poor, and the sickest of the sick.
I've found myself abandoning more of myself- renouncing my so called 'needs' in attempts to feel God's heart for these people.
Mother Teresa herself says, "Renouncing means to offer my free will, my reason, my life, in an attitude of faith. My soul can be in darkness; trials are the surest tests of my blind renunciation. Renunciation also means love. The more we renounce, the more we love God and man."
Being around the sisters in Mother Teresa's home and the different homes they have for the dying, disabled, orphaned, and abandoned has taught me so much about renouncing myself. These women daily renounce their needs to meet the needs of others- and they have made a covenant with God to do this for their entire lives, something I'm not really sure I can comprehend right now.
I still am learning how to come to the end of myself, and God has begun to let me feel the weight of my calling and my commitment to educate and restore the trafficked in Asia. It is going to take huge sacrifice, no doubt.
I was in the hospital with a good friend a couple nights ago, waking up every half-hour with her and when a nurse would walk in the room- leaving me with little sleep and plenty of time to think. What I journaled explains a little bit of how God is changing my heart for renunciation and sacrifice.
I woke up in a new place again for what feels like the hundredth time in the past two months. This time in a hospital room with my friend. I used to wake up frantic in a new place and it would sometimes take hours to convince myself I was safe and okay. But last night I just turned to the other side and fell right back asleep when the nurses left the room.
So much traveling makes 'safe and okay' take on a completely new definition. I was laying awake thinking about how safe I really am in you Father, God. No matter where I'm at in this world you are my constant, my safe haven, and my house of peace. Holy Spirit can take me to those places when it feels like the ground beneath me starts to shake or even crumble beneath me.
I also felt the realness of sacrifice a little bit. Living for Kingdom to come to the nations means I will probably be in a hospital room in a foreign country again in my life, and it means I will wake up in countless new places with new faces. It means not always being able to choose comfort or what I want, or even who I want to go to for comfort and encouragement.
BUT...
It DOES mean great intimacy with you, Father.
It means a constant increase in trust and faith in you to provide for my needs.
It means finding my strength buried in you every day.
It means the craziest adventure I could ever dream up for myself not even coming close to what you have for me.
It means always having to rely on your stability and safety in my life.
It means not always knowing, but having all the wisdom and revelation that is treasured in you, God.
It means sometimes being poor and living like the poor, but knowing I'm the richest daughter in the world because of you, God.
It means seeing brokenness, hurt, pain, neglect, and death every day but getting to choose joy in You anyways God and pour out that hope anyways.
For the moments that seem overwhelming living amidst this chaos, and when that word sacrifice feels so heavy I don't think I can bear what it means- I choose to be grateful that God has allowed me to serve the poor. I choose this adventure with you God, over comfort, knowing, and 'stability.' I choose your intimacy, your overwhelming peace, and to continue to seek deeper parts of your heart for your people and for me.
