You romance my heart, Abba [[Thailand]]

Today God was romancing my heart and I can honestly say that being pursued by God is far greater than any words that I can type on a page. There I sat on the beach looking out on the mountains and shores  of God’s masterpiece here in Thailand and God sat next to me and took my breath away. If you have ever been pursued by someone you know the butterfly feeling that accompanies knowing someone values you enough to give you their full attention. Well, this surpassed that feeling when I realized that the creator of the universe, the one who has given me redemption and brought me to this place in my life wanted to just sit and make me fall in a deeper love with him. As I listened to worship music and looked out at his creation, I couldn’t help but to have a cheek to cheek smile, to blush, and for my toes to curl. I then realized that my abba was romancing me, he was giving me his full attention and showing me how much he truly loved me. Last week, I got the opportunity to watch God romance one of the bar girls that God has given me such a love and heart for.

 B- has been told all her life that love means submitting to abuse, and being bought every night.  In one conversation I had with her she had excitement on her face as she explained to me in broken English that she only had to be bought once that night because a man was paying 10,000 Baht for her. She was happy that a man was buying her for 300 dollars, and after I heard those words come out of her mouth my heart sank to the ground.  How could you put a price on someone? How could you pay to take away a piece of a woman that God is so jealous for? I left that night heartbroken for B- knowing that God’s heart was hurting too.  

Last week was B-‘s birthday so I decided to buy her a necklace and a couple of my teammates and I made her a card. As we walked up to her in the bar that night, we found her in the darkest place we’ve seen her yet. She was dancing on the bar with barely anything on her body, and her face told us that she wanted anything but to be there. When she saw us, her face lit up and we told her that we had a gift for her [more like yelled it- the bars are so loud from music and chatter that it is hard to hear anything let alone communicate with a language barrier] I lifted the necklace and card up so that she could see what we had gotten her and her she immediately stopped dancing on the bar and looked me straight in the eyes and started to sob. She bent over off of the bar as we placed the necklace around her neck like she was royalty [ and in God’s eyes she is, because He sees her future} and then she literally fell into my arms and sobbed as she continually told us “thank you, you remember my birthday, I love you.” I know that in that moment B- felt God’s love for her, she may not have known what to call it but she felt God there just as much as I did. I realized as God was romancing my heart a week later that He was romancing hers in that moment, and for the first time ever B- felt real love, pure love, and a true love that can only come from the Lord.

He is still pursuing B-‘s heart just as much as he is pursuing mine, and lavishing his love over my heart to the point where my toes curl. Its true love, I’m so sure of it. 

* I took out B-'s real name for her protection :)                                                                                                                                          

Where you go, I will follow. [[States]]

       It is absolutely crazy how much changes in a year. I went from passionless and selfish living to letting God give me purpose, passion, and LIFE. You see ever since God set me apart in my mother’s womb he hasn’t stopped pursuing my heart, it was me that wasn’t letting God change me.

      I was living blind much like Saul did. In Acts chapter 9, God makes Saul aware that he is blind by actually blinding him. God told him to go to Damascus where there is a man waiting there to heal his blindness. Much like Saul, God showed me how blind I was and told me to go to Guatemala where there was freedom and healing for me. Acts 9:8 says “Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So THEY led him by the hand into Damascus.”  Saul heard God’s voice telling him to go where healing was waiting but he still had to have others lead him there. I knew God wanted me in Guatemala but I still had to have others lead me there. God provided people in my life to push and encourage me there, without which I may not have gone.

    “Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who has appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.” Acts 9:17-19  It took Saul realizing his blindness to see God’s power and call on his life, and in the same way it took God bringing me to Guatemala to see how blindly I really was living. God used an incredibly anointed body of Christ, being my team to heal me.

    Acts 9:20 says “At once, he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. “ Immediately after Saul was healed he began to live out his new found faith. From this point on in Acts Paul lives radically for his calling from Christ and many are added to the church because of it. The past year of my life has been a journey, one where God is daily making me more in his likeness and equipping me for the calling he has on my life. Many people have told me that I am just a completely different person from who I was before I left, and I am because God has healed my blindness and filled me with more of his Holy Spirit. I am new and I am not turning back. In Guatemala, we would sing the song “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back” with many of the orphans and children we loved on and I had no idea that God was engraving that in my heart. 

     In just two short months I will be whole-heartedly following God’s calling for me to lead a group of college girls into the brothels and bars of Thailand, to storm the gates of hell. God has given me the opportunity to pour into girls not only stuck in trafficking but also my college girls that may be stuck where I was. "Freely you have received, freely give" Matthew 10:8 As I sit here and type this, I have gotten a chance to reflect on all God has done in my life the past year, his grace for each step along the way, and the miracle he has performed on my life. Lord, you are faithful and I will follow you until the very end.

El decidido seguir a Cristo

No vuelvo atras

No vuelvo atras

The Shadow of the Cross [[States]]

   The shadow of the cross is where we are meant to live, to draw from and to run to. Galatians 5:24 says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passion and desires.” The day I made my covenant with Christ I crucified my sinful desires and passions, so that I could live in the shadow of the Cross. I traded my old heart for a new one [Ezekiel 36:26], a new heart with new passions and desires to glorify my father in heaven. So often I get caught up in the flesh, in what the world around me is counting beneficial, but that is when I need to run to the shadow and remind myself that “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law [or what I can do myself] Christ died for nothing” Galatians 2:20. I have been set apart by Christ [Jeremiah 1:5] but not to set aside the grace that God freely gives. He has not set me apart just to do righteous things but to comprehend the depths of the grace he freely gives for the moments I don’t quite measure up and must run to that shadow. In this, he produces a new identity for me, not one I can make for myself [because if that were so I would be a condemned sinner] but He has made for me through the cross. I am no longer identified as the condemned sinner- I am righteous, holy, and set apart through the resurrection of Jesus himself. The shadow of the cross holds all the strength I need to live a life sold out for Christ.

    For a shadow to exist there must be a source of light, and something for that light to reflect on. This world is full of light and shadows, moments we are overjoyed and moments where we are over sorrowed, but when we get the picture of the cross and the shadow it casts everything changes. Everything. Those dark moments where we are so sorrowful that we don’t know if we can make to the next day is replaced with what the shadow of the cross has to offer us. For the moments when sin seems to have a grip on us, when we are entangled in doubt and frustration we have the shadow of the cross.

In the shadow of the cross I find who I really am. I find freedom and victory. I find refuge and stability from this world.   I find my identity. I find my joy, my peace, and my passion. I find the strength to keep going.

Victories one after another. [[Guatemala]]

     Our last night of ministry in the bars came so fast. All that was running through our minds was that this was our last chance to impact these women's lives and all we could bank on was that God had victories in store that night. We had developed relationships with these women for 2 months and we were trusting that God would produce fruit from it. And oh how he did. That night quickly became one of the most impacting nights of not only several women in the bars but my own. With each victory that God blessed us with seeing we responded in praise and worship of song that filled the dark streets of Puerto Barrios. Here are a few stories of the victories that we saw, one after another. 
     First I want to tell you Nina's* story. Nina is a christian that was trapped in the slavery of sex trafficking. A few weeks prior some of my teammates had a conversation with her about how she could leave the bar and trust that God would provide for her. Easier said that done, and we left that bar heartbroken knowing that she, our sister in christ was stuck in the bar. Fast forward to our last night in the bars. We bought friendship bracelets to give a last reminder to these women that we loved them, and more importantly God did. We searched for Nina in the bar she normally worked at, but she was nowhere to be seen. my teammate went to the bar owner and asked where Nina was and said that she had something for her. The bar owner replied saying that she was not there. To be sure of what my teammate had just heard she asked again "where is nina?" And the bar owner replied once again, "She is not here, she quit and went back to family." You can most likely guess how we reacted when my teammate got back into the van and shared the news. We praised God for the fruit we were able to see, and the freedom that God gave Nina. 
       
        This next victory is a continuation of Ingrid's* story. See below. As God was breaking my heart for Ingrid I had no idea that he was working in hers. Our last night of ministry we were able to hear a little bit more of the story that God is writing for her life. From what was translated for us, Ingrid told us that she used to pray to a wooden idol of a saint. She was literally praying daily to a wooden block to get her out of this situation. As I listened to Ingrid weeks earlier, loved on her, spoke truth into her, and prayed over her God was doing something greater. He was changing her heart. Ingrid told us on our last night that she now prayed to our God, the one and true true God and that maybe tomorrow God would get her out of that bar. Once again God showed us fruit and a victory. I'm not sure where Ingrid is right now, but I know that God has started a good work in her, and He will bring it to completion. 
    That night God taught much more than I could explain with words. I found that once again, God is in complete control all the time. When we were investing in those women week after week and not seeing any change, God was watching and saying "Just wait for what I have in store, its far more than anything you could pray or ask for." And it was.
  

A rescue shop within a yard of hell [[Guatemala]]

"Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell" C.T. Studd
God does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to walk into the dark and be the light. Prostitute ministry is a rescue shop right within a yard of Hell. Satan has strong footholds in the bars that we walk into to the point that these women feel defeated. God calls us to be that rescue shop, to bring hope to places that appear hopeless and  to walk into the places that most christians would touch with a ten foot pole. God wants to give his daughters life and freedom but most of the women in the bars are not aware that it even exsists. God has been giving me a heart for this ministry, for these women who need to know that they are loved unconditionally by someone who wants them more than just for sex. It is not okay to me that most christians would rather not think about what really goes on in this world then step up and be the change that people like my friend *Ingrid needs. (* I have taken out Ingrids real name for her protection)
Here is Ingrid's story:
       I met Ingrid on a sunny afternoon inside a popular bar by the Puerto Barrios port. At night men pile into this bar and strip many women of their worth, Ingrid being no exception to this. I walked up to Ingrid who already had a guard up and a stern face staring at me. Frustrated that I didn't know very much spanish and she already had "I don't want to talk to you" written all over her face made our introduction very difficult. Speaking very broken spanish, I introduced myself and told her that I wanted to pray for her. Her guard stayed up as she hesitantly told me her name and a quick head nodd. I then asked her if there was anything that I could specifically pray for her for. Instantly her eyes began to well up and she started to tell me her story. From the spanish I understood she told me that she had been working at this bar for two months, and that she had 4 kids that lived in Honduras that she longed to be with. She was promised work and needed a way to provide for her kids that ended in her being stuck in this bar with broken promises and lost hope of seeing her children. Her only request was that I pray for protection over her four young boys. As I prayed for her, my heart broke for her. A single mom so desperate to provide for her kids that she entrusted someone to get her work and was forced into prostitution being stripped of her worth every night. I grabbed a teammate and I read to her out of Romans 8, sharing that nothing in this life can seperate us from the love that God has for his children. As I held her hand and shared God's hope with her I felt a peace that God was right there with us in that bar. I may not have understood every word Ingrid shared with me, or was even able to share all I wanted to with her but I know that we gave her hope to keep fighting. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us and hold our hand as we cry, and that is exactly how God used me to touch Ingrid. God called me to love Ingrid right where she was at right in the thick of her prison, and I know that God shined his light on her that afternoon. It broke my heart to leave Ingrid sitting in that bar, but I know that God is not finished with her yet. God is jealous for Ingrid's heart , and he is not going to let anything get in the way of His love for her.
"He will rescue them from oppression and violence for precious is their blood in his sight" Psalm 72:14

A Clean Slate [[Guatemala]]

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness. " Lamentations 3:22-23

      Every morning God gives us a fresh, clean slate. For a lot of my life I've felt like there was this limit to how much God had compassion for us. I thought that after so many times of building up sin that would just carry into the next day and just get piled on more, that God would turn on his anger and he would turn off his compassion. This is a mindset of a burden that God wants to release from us. This verse promises a clean start every day, but many of us let our sin pile be an excuse to continue sinning and to not let God give us that fresh start each morning. 

     A couple mornings ago my teammates and I w

alked on the same streets in Puerto Barrios that we had 2 nights prior going into bars and praying for prostitutes, but this time it was different. Instead of being in these bars during the piling on of sin, we came when God was offering these women a clean slate. 

     Many of the prostitutes live in the bars, most of which are trafficked. Many of these women recognized us and welcomed us with smiles. We were able to build relationships that were deeper with these women and show them that we cared to come back. Many of the women opened up to us more and we were able to pray for them in a new light. 

     One woman in particular named Carla opened up to us a great deal. As she told her story, the language barrior became tougher for me. From what little words I understood I found that she had a husband in jail and children to provide for. Without any words I knew exactly how she was feeling from her eyes; trapped and full of shame. In that moment I reflected on a time in my life when I felt trapped completely and exactly what this womans face was showing. I grabbed a couple teammates and as they began to translate what I felt God wanted me to communicate to her, I knew that she saw that I understood. As I told her that I had once felt trapped and like God turned from me from my sin, her focus became more intent on what i was saying. I told her that although I felt trapped, God was still persuing me and had a way out, it just took me trusting God and putting it in his hands. I then told her that God has a plan for her even though she felt trapped and that he would provide for her family. Although she didn't respond with many words I know that God planted a seed of hope in her for a way out. God connected Carla and I in a way that I cannot describe because not many words were even used in the process, but even if for a moment God gave Carla a glimpse that morning of what a clean slate might look like for her. 

     Almost all of these women don't know that they have a clean slate waiting for them each morning, all they can see is the pile of sin that has been collecting for so long. They need to hear of God's great love in the form of a new start, to experience his new mercies. As we are building more into these women I can see that God has more incredible plans for them, they just have to choose it. The culture here tells them " once a prostitute always a prostitute" but God promises something much different, a clean slate.

You make beautiful things out of the dust [[Guatemala]]

 As our feet hit the pavement I knew the next hour and a half was going to be a difficult journey. The question that ran through my mind over and over was 'How do we show God's love to women who are so broken and feel like they are trapped in this lifestyle?' I didn't know if they would reject us or accept the love we had to offer them from God. I was then reminded by God that we were sent here to bind up the brokenhearted and to proclaim the Lord's favor. 
   "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengence of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for all those who grieve, to BESTOW ON THEM A CROWN OF BEAUTY INSTEAD OF ASHES, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devestated" Isaiah 61:1-4

    Walking into the first nightclub(discoteca)  was tough. One woman was center stage performing for different men and several woman were sitting on in the back waiting for their next "customer" My heart sank when I saw this and a feeling of hopelessness fell over me for these women. As we handed each of the women in the back a flower and began praying for them God began to show me that although this was very difficult this was where we needed to be, loving on these women, telling them that they have worth in Christ and being the change that needs to happen. Even though in my mind I've known that this goes on, it didn't truly become a reality until I stepped into that discoteca and saw it with my own eyes. We tend to take these issues we know are real and sweep them under the rug. If we can't see them, they don't effect us, but in real life this is the way these women live and they don't even see that they can be free anymore. As we asked one of the women in the bar "Te gusta aquí?"( Do you like it here?), she respnded No but it is necessary because she had to provide for her suffering family somehow.  A lot of these women can't see that is not necessary and that God can provide freedom for them. Many of the girls we prayed for were underage and trafficked into prostitution. Here, many families rely on their young daughters to provide for their families because their bodies are "desirable" and they are guarenteed money. 
    It broke my heart to see this one girl in a packed bar.(no more than 14 years old) As I prayed for her (she reluctantly agreed) she nervously looked around the room, which probably meant she had a boss watching her to make sure she "worked." As we left I watched the girl I had just prayed for walk away with a man and my heart sank inside. As I began to protest to God in my head of why he would let this happen he gently reminded me that this was not my battle to fight and my part was just to show her God's love even if for a moment that night.  This ministry is one of the most difficult that we have done so far but God has made it clear to me that we are supposed to be his hands and feet even if  a situation looks hopeless, because we can be the change instead of just sweeping this issue under the rug. God does make beautiful things out of the dust, and I am sure that he is working on making these girls lives beautiful despite it looking like empty dust right now.