Death Sentence.

The past two months being home have been so good but so hard at the same time. I’ve had to battle a lot of lies from the enemy and hold fast to the calling I know God has given me to go.

 

That word “go” is something that absolutely makes my heart beat faster while terrifying me at the same time. I don’t fear getting on a plane and heading to the nations. I don’t fear sitting on the side of the road with the lowest of the cast system or stepping in overcrowded bars to speak life into women being trafficked. I don’t fear giving up my “American things” and living with what I can fit in a back pack. I don’t fear going to new places with people I don’t know. The past three years has striped me of any inclination towards those fears, but for some reason leaving in one week feels like a death sentence. A death sentence that sounds like this:

“And your ears will hear a word behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it…” Isaiah 30:21

 It sounds absolutely crazy in the world’s eyes to be giving up my teaching degree, selling my things and going to a foreign land with barely anything in my pocket- all because I heard a voice say “go,” but I find so much comfort in the fact that this wasn’t my plan or my voice speaking.  I can’t deny the absolute truth that the Lord is the one that is guiding this and the only one worth facing a death sentence to my plans for. I’ve heard a gentle and clear voice speak- the very same voice that called me out of darkness and into purpose.

It would be absolutely absurd to be frustrated that God is speaking to me but honestly I have been. It’s been a season of mourning what could have been and a time to rest- the original Greek definition of rest that leaves a taste of expectation in your mouth. I have been learning what it looks like to live in a rhythm of patient expectation for what God’s doing and to release those frustrations of what I thought I wanted for my life. 

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful” Hebrews 10:23

This promise alone gives me what I will need to step onto the plane next week and to not look back any longer to what could have been. He has been so faithful to me, provided in abundance for every single one of my needs, and gifted me with a calling. So I can wait and expect that God is going to do great things in this next season of life-because He who promised me that is so dang faithful.