When you live to maintain you lose even what you are trying to maintain.
Last fall, these words were coming out of the mouth of my teacher in Spain as I sat uncomfortably in the front row of class. Sometimes when I'm learning about God whether in a classroom, a conversation with a friend, in my time reading the bible, or even just walking through day to day normal life God slows my mind and whispers, pay attention to what you just heard. This was definitely one of the moments and it wasn't because I thought I was living to maintain in that moment, it just struck a cord with my heart that made me want to store it up for later.
To be frank with you, later would be right about now.
When you begin to lose your wonder you start living simply to maintain what you have.
Wonder really is a beautiful thing. Its that awe of God in the simple things. That take your breath away feeling when you are counting the stars, experiencing something for the first time, watching someone you love smile, or simply being and breathing.
Joy exists because of wonder.
I think thats why I love being around kids so much. Joy comes naturally to them, because every single thing they see, hear, touch, smell, and taste is always as if its made just for them to experience for the first time- which is exactly what God designed it to be for all of us. Wonder in everything- even the smallest of things.
As I was processing the past 40 days in India, God let me see a glimpse into what I missed that He was trying to show me. I spent 40 days in what felt like the storm of India, God continually allowed things to be taken from me, the enemy at my ear every minute shouting lies, and for me to be in a complete state of being uncomfortable and not in control one bit and all I wanted to do was run and get the heck out of dodge. You see, I was starting to live only to maintain what I though I had left in the storm- the things not yet touched by the wreckedge but I found myself quickly losing even those things. God spoke that He had me in a 40 day testing period, and I threw my hands up in surrender telling God, I didn't get why He was testing me but that I would stay because He said so.
It wasn't until yesterday, almost 2 weeks after being back in America that I realized God was doing that so I could find my wonder with Him again. There were moments that I found that wonder in India but God wanted to bring me to a place of living in it consistently. God taught me a lot about not losing our wonder while trapped one morning in a storm on the roof of our hostel.
Brant and I sat in the little room with broken shutters and water pouring into the room as we talked about the wonder of God in the form of counting seconds between the thunder and lightning. The india heat lifted as the rain poured and so did my frustrations.
Brant started counting out loud.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three. Uh, from my calculations the storm is approximately uh, 10 miles away.
We both laughed and admitted to sitting on our porches as kids and counting the Mississippi's between the thunder and lightning during storms and acting like we were storm chasers. There is so much wonder in storms, and I saw that so clearly that day with the help of a friend.
God was trying to take those moments of wonder and make them into a moment to moment lifestyle for me. Lets face it, if I can't grasp his daily wonder in the storm- I won't be able to help my precious teachers and students find it in Cambodia when they are trying to weather their own storm.
God is so gracious, so patient and so loving to me. He knew I would begin to get what He was doing in India now. So today I choose to find wonder in the small things. Wonder in a cool breeze, in my precious nephew that kicks at me in my sisters womb, genuine tears that flow in repentance, and in deeper intimacy with my savior.
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