The past two months being home have been so good but so
hard at the same time. I’ve had to battle a lot of lies from the enemy and hold
fast to the calling I know God has given me to go.
That word “go” is something that absolutely makes
my heart beat faster while terrifying me at the same time. I don’t fear getting
on a plane and heading to the nations. I don’t fear sitting on the side of the
road with the lowest of the cast system or stepping in overcrowded bars to
speak life into women being trafficked. I don’t fear giving up my “American things”
and living with what I can fit in a back pack. I don’t fear going to new places
with people I don’t know. The past three years has striped me of any
inclination towards those fears, but for some reason leaving in one week feels
like a death sentence. A death sentence that sounds like this:
“And your ears will hear a word behind you
saying, “This is the way, walk in it…” Isaiah 30:21
It sounds
absolutely crazy in the world’s eyes to be giving up my teaching degree,
selling my things and going to a foreign land with barely anything in my
pocket- all because I heard a voice say “go,” but I find so much comfort
in the fact that this wasn’t my plan or my voice speaking. I can’t deny the absolute truth that the
Lord is the one that is guiding this and the only one worth facing a death
sentence to my plans for. I’ve heard a gentle and clear voice speak- the very
same voice that called me out of darkness and into purpose.
It would be absolutely absurd to be frustrated that God
is speaking to me but honestly I have been. It’s been a season of mourning what
could have been and a time to rest- the original Greek definition of rest that
leaves a taste of expectation in your mouth. I have been learning what it looks
like to live in a rhythm of patient expectation for what God’s doing and to
release those frustrations of what I thought I wanted for my life.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we
profess, for He who promised is faithful” Hebrews 10:23
This promise alone gives me what I will need to step onto
the plane next week and to not look back any longer to what could have been. He
has been so faithful to me, provided in abundance for every single one of my
needs, and gifted me with a calling. So I can wait and expect that God
is going to do great things in this next season of life-because He who promised
me that is so dang faithful.
