45 hours, 4 flights. 2- 8 hour layovers, and 2 royal treatment hotels later I am finally in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. To some what I just wrote would sound like a nightmare, but to me it was Pure Holy Rest from God himself.
I left my family 2 days ago a complete mess. My heart was wrecked leaving my family, my new precious nephew, and good friends. I've traveled a lot, but leaving home has never hurt my heart so much. I spent the last month with my sister and nephew everyday since he was born, and I felt like I had to be pried from her arms and my nephew. ( even now I'm tearing up thinking about it) God did so much in my heart and in my family the past 2 months that I didn't want to leave home. Here I am knowing God has spoken so clearly that I'm going to Cambodia but I was left questioning why God choose to bring me so close to my family just to send me away. I feel like sometimes I question God more than most Christians do, because the faith He is requiring of me is so great.
I cried most of my way through the buffalo airport and 15 hour flight to Doha, Qatar. I got many sympathetic stares and looks like they thought I was nuts. I saw a little boy tug on his moms dress and stare at me saying "mommy, why is she so sad?" I love the way children are so in tune with the heart of God, and how He cares about others.
Despite the constant looks, I didn't really care what others were thinking because my heart was hurting. I could have chosen through all of that to listen to my feelings and not even get on the flight in the Buffalo airport, but I didn't. I knew what Gods voice had spoken to me and I wasn't going to listen to my feelings even though they were justified feelings. God has been requiring that of me a lot- to choose to rise above my feelings and thoughts and in faith completely surrender to His voice and what I know He has spoken to me. Honestly it's hard. It leaves me in tears of frustration most days, but at the end of the day I love God way to much to not listen.
Once I heard my plane had a 8 hour layover in Qatar my heart instantly was frustrated, but God had plans to give me rest and love instead. The airline put me up in one of the most beautiful palace hotels I've ever seen and could never afford. He was spoiling me and giving me royal treatment and rest, while reminding me how rich I am in the kingdom. On the way back to the airport to catch my next flight, God put a bunch of Palm trees in my path, with all of the leaves and top cut off. That may seem weird but it was a way that God spoke to me when I was last in Cambodia that what He was going to do with me in Cambodia was significant and difficult but from that was going to bring kingdom to earth. ( if you want to hear that story I'd love to share it with you another time- just ask ) And in that, God planted some peace in my heart in Qatar.
Fast forward to my next stop Bangkok, Thailand. I get there and the first thing I see is a sign with my name on it held by an airline worker waiting to take me to yet another fancy hotel- this one even more royal than the last. I got to the hotel, took a long jacuzzi bath and worshipped God at two in the morning. I prayed and prayed and placed my family into Gods hands, asked for a release of responsibility back at home and a deeper love of God in it. More peace. More joy. More of the Holy Spirit stirring inside me. Once I got back to the airport there was decoration along the path of birds made out of many smaller birds hanging from the ceiling. God was speaking again- His provision is there, He's taking care of me, and I am free in that.
I got on my last flight to Cambodia with so much joy and peace I didn't know what to do with all of it. My heart still hurts for what I left in New York, I still have moments with tears but I'm doing it all with the peace and joy of The Lord inside me. I'm more in love with God the when I left NY two days ago, because I've never had to depend on God like this before. He is so good, so intimate, and so near when we are hurting.
So today I rest, and learn how to drive my moto again :)
Tomorrow I head into Svay Pak to reunite with my Cambodian teachers and students.
Life is good and God is near.
I left my family 2 days ago a complete mess. My heart was wrecked leaving my family, my new precious nephew, and good friends. I've traveled a lot, but leaving home has never hurt my heart so much. I spent the last month with my sister and nephew everyday since he was born, and I felt like I had to be pried from her arms and my nephew. ( even now I'm tearing up thinking about it) God did so much in my heart and in my family the past 2 months that I didn't want to leave home. Here I am knowing God has spoken so clearly that I'm going to Cambodia but I was left questioning why God choose to bring me so close to my family just to send me away. I feel like sometimes I question God more than most Christians do, because the faith He is requiring of me is so great.
I cried most of my way through the buffalo airport and 15 hour flight to Doha, Qatar. I got many sympathetic stares and looks like they thought I was nuts. I saw a little boy tug on his moms dress and stare at me saying "mommy, why is she so sad?" I love the way children are so in tune with the heart of God, and how He cares about others.
Despite the constant looks, I didn't really care what others were thinking because my heart was hurting. I could have chosen through all of that to listen to my feelings and not even get on the flight in the Buffalo airport, but I didn't. I knew what Gods voice had spoken to me and I wasn't going to listen to my feelings even though they were justified feelings. God has been requiring that of me a lot- to choose to rise above my feelings and thoughts and in faith completely surrender to His voice and what I know He has spoken to me. Honestly it's hard. It leaves me in tears of frustration most days, but at the end of the day I love God way to much to not listen.
Once I heard my plane had a 8 hour layover in Qatar my heart instantly was frustrated, but God had plans to give me rest and love instead. The airline put me up in one of the most beautiful palace hotels I've ever seen and could never afford. He was spoiling me and giving me royal treatment and rest, while reminding me how rich I am in the kingdom. On the way back to the airport to catch my next flight, God put a bunch of Palm trees in my path, with all of the leaves and top cut off. That may seem weird but it was a way that God spoke to me when I was last in Cambodia that what He was going to do with me in Cambodia was significant and difficult but from that was going to bring kingdom to earth. ( if you want to hear that story I'd love to share it with you another time- just ask ) And in that, God planted some peace in my heart in Qatar.
Fast forward to my next stop Bangkok, Thailand. I get there and the first thing I see is a sign with my name on it held by an airline worker waiting to take me to yet another fancy hotel- this one even more royal than the last. I got to the hotel, took a long jacuzzi bath and worshipped God at two in the morning. I prayed and prayed and placed my family into Gods hands, asked for a release of responsibility back at home and a deeper love of God in it. More peace. More joy. More of the Holy Spirit stirring inside me. Once I got back to the airport there was decoration along the path of birds made out of many smaller birds hanging from the ceiling. God was speaking again- His provision is there, He's taking care of me, and I am free in that.
I got on my last flight to Cambodia with so much joy and peace I didn't know what to do with all of it. My heart still hurts for what I left in New York, I still have moments with tears but I'm doing it all with the peace and joy of The Lord inside me. I'm more in love with God the when I left NY two days ago, because I've never had to depend on God like this before. He is so good, so intimate, and so near when we are hurting.
So today I rest, and learn how to drive my moto again :)
Tomorrow I head into Svay Pak to reunite with my Cambodian teachers and students.
Life is good and God is near.
