He's faithful to the End [[States]]

Today I got news that Tiger 1- a bar that many of the girls that became our sisters this summer worked in caught fire- and killed and injured several people.  A lightning bolt struck the transformer box in the electrical wires and sparked a fire that created a mess of chaos on Bangla. The electricity went on and off several times before the fire that was thought to be a bomb at first and from that chaos erupted. When I first heard this news, I pictured my sisters in those bars scrambling in crowds to push away from the flames in complete fear- and instantly my heart was in confusion and disbelief that God would allow this to pass through his hands on the very streets that I walked just a few short weeks ago and to the very women he allowed me to love. 

       After I let my heart accept the lie of confusion for several hours God led me to a page in my journal that made my jaw drop- and it hasn’t returned to normal position yet as he keeps piecing things together and revealing to me why he allowed the fire to happen. You see, the very page he brought me to was one that was written over a month ago sitting in a kfc with three of my teammates in Patong after prayer walking Bangla as a cry to God asking him what his plans were for that place. Torie, Alley, Anna Grace, and I sat in a tourist filled kfc and asked God for specific revelations of what he had in store. I know what you’re thinking, God speak to us in a Kentucky fried chicken in Thailand, crazy sounding right? Well we stepped out in vulnerability and faith anyways and asked to see God’s to-do list, and oh did he reveal much of his plans- that are still being fulfilled.

       Sometimes God reveals things to us to test our faith- to see if we truly trust his voice. That day God revealed to us several things that changed our view of how God speaks to us, and challenged us to trust him at his word. The Lord revealed to my teammate Torie chapter 18 of revelation- a chapter that she didn’t know what it contained or that it was going to be God speaking out his plans for over a month later. If you haven’t read Revelation 18, I will give you the spark notes version of it to help the understanding of God’s sovereign power here.  In this chapter an angel that had authority from heaven is talking to Babylon and calling out this fallen city on the sexual immorality that is happening , the drunkenness, the idols they have made, their love of luxurious things, for their “sins are heaped as high as heaven” (Rev. 18:5) This voice from heaven warns them to get out now before they are taken down with this city because God’s righteous anger is coming- “For this reason her plagues will come in a single day, death and mourning and famine, and she will be burned up with fire; for mighty is the Lord God who has judged her.” (Rev. 18:8)  At first glance this may seem harsh, but it’s easy to forget that we serve a just God- one that hates sin and what that sin does to the people that he created for love.  God is jealous for every person on Bangla and I know that he is coming to restore his people- that fire last night was a glimpse into his righteous anger against the sin on Bangla, and his longing for his children to turn to him. He is warning them of what is coming and offering them redemption in return for abandonment of self and sin. Earlier this week I was reading a book by A.W. Tozer that talks into a fear of the Lord saying “Until we have been gripped by that nameless terror which results when an unholy creature is suddenly confronted by that One who is the holiest of all, we are not likely to be much affected by the doctrine of love and grace.”  Bangla felt that nameless terror last night- and God is proving over and over that his hand is on Bangla road and each of the people he allowed us to meet this summer.

God has never left Bangla. He has never stopped fighting for His people in Phuket. He is faithful to the very end.

God has been speaking to me through songs all summer long- he brought me to this song today as I was praying for Bangla, and oh how perfectly did he orchestrate this into what he has revealed to me today.

The promise of your coming light

 It burns so brightly in my mind

and all creation longs and waits

 For the dawning of that day
And he will come riding on the clouds

With Justice in his heart

And a sword upon his side
And all will see the glory of this man

With fire in his eyes

He's jealous for his bride
He's faithful to the end

 He's faithful to my heart.

B-'s story [[Thailand]]

B-‘s story is one of hope, restoration, and just the beginning of a new journey God has her on. To continue from the story below, we had the opportunity to share Jesus with B- on a sunny afternoon over ice cream. The Lord had promised my heart from the day we met her that she was going to hear about Him, that she was ready for the harvest. When we first met her she would say things like “I’m the only one who knows what’s best for my heart” and from that point, we knew she was ready to hear that Jesus was waiting to do that for her as well as flood her with healing and restoration. Telling B- about Jesus was difficult and we had no other option but to leave it completely in God’s hands. Speaking the powerful name of Pry yasu [Jesus] to B- and her not understanding who he was or ever heard that name before even was very difficult. She was very receptive to hearing about Him but she still didn’t understand who he was fully. After I handed her a thai bible and walked out those doors, I instantly began to protest God and what he had just allowed to happen in there. Thoughts flooded my mind of “But Lord, you promised this and she didn’t come to know who you were.” The Lord was quick to cut me off and whisper, “But Sarah do you trust me with her? You were obedient in sharing me with her and handing her my word, but do you trust me with her now because B- was never in your hands to begin with.” I broke down in that moment and quickly surrendered any of that relationship with B- I thought I had been a part of in realizing it was all God, I wouldn’t have even met her  if he hadn’t called me to this place.

 For 2 months, we poured into B- with all the love Jesus had to offer, told her that she deserved better than the way she was living and poured truth over her that she had worth. Our last week of ministry quickly approached and as it did one of my teammates and I had a going away dinner with B-. B- had been begging us for 2 months to go to this BBQ  place, but we heard the horror stories before we got there from other teammates. To say it plainly, a buffet of raw meat of every kind and flies surrounding it faced us. Anna and I stared at this small little grill on our table as B- had already began filling plates and plates of raw meat- most of which was unrecognizable. My stomach clenched with the thought of I was about to put in it as B- started piling all the meat on the grill. After the initial shock of what I was eating, and praying off any possible sickness that could come from eating what we did we had some incredible conversations with B-. It was like three sisters just laughing and talking about their lives, it didn’t matter that we lived around the world from each other or that there was a language barrior. Towards the end of the meal [when we had more animals in our stomachs that I could count fingers] B- got this real serious look on her face and said, “ I know God sent you to me.” I quickly assumed she meant Buddha, and as I asked her if she meant Buddha, she cut me off and said, “No, God sent you to me.” And then she proceeded to tell us that she knew she was “a lily precious and holy.” Those words we knew were only coming from the Lord, because for one those are big words in english to understand and say and also that she was so confident in how she was telling us that she really believed it. My heart was singing for joy at this point when she shared some even more incredible words with us, she told us that she no longer was working in the bars but was interviewing for a hostess job at a restaurant in the mall. We were left blown away by how God had moved. We also later were reminded of our original vision for this summer as a team that we had painted on a canvas- a woman surrendered with her hands in the air and A LILY IN HER HAIR. The very words B- was speaking over herself were what God had promised us from the beginning. It was incredible to see God’s faithfulness throughout the past 2 months in this one moment that God allowed us to see, and to see his hand on B- the entire time we had known her.       

                  God is faithful, his promises are true, and he does redeem hearts. 

You romance my heart, Abba [[Thailand]]

Today God was romancing my heart and I can honestly say that being pursued by God is far greater than any words that I can type on a page. There I sat on the beach looking out on the mountains and shores  of God’s masterpiece here in Thailand and God sat next to me and took my breath away. If you have ever been pursued by someone you know the butterfly feeling that accompanies knowing someone values you enough to give you their full attention. Well, this surpassed that feeling when I realized that the creator of the universe, the one who has given me redemption and brought me to this place in my life wanted to just sit and make me fall in a deeper love with him. As I listened to worship music and looked out at his creation, I couldn’t help but to have a cheek to cheek smile, to blush, and for my toes to curl. I then realized that my abba was romancing me, he was giving me his full attention and showing me how much he truly loved me. Last week, I got the opportunity to watch God romance one of the bar girls that God has given me such a love and heart for.

 B- has been told all her life that love means submitting to abuse, and being bought every night.  In one conversation I had with her she had excitement on her face as she explained to me in broken English that she only had to be bought once that night because a man was paying 10,000 Baht for her. She was happy that a man was buying her for 300 dollars, and after I heard those words come out of her mouth my heart sank to the ground.  How could you put a price on someone? How could you pay to take away a piece of a woman that God is so jealous for? I left that night heartbroken for B- knowing that God’s heart was hurting too.  

Last week was B-‘s birthday so I decided to buy her a necklace and a couple of my teammates and I made her a card. As we walked up to her in the bar that night, we found her in the darkest place we’ve seen her yet. She was dancing on the bar with barely anything on her body, and her face told us that she wanted anything but to be there. When she saw us, her face lit up and we told her that we had a gift for her [more like yelled it- the bars are so loud from music and chatter that it is hard to hear anything let alone communicate with a language barrier] I lifted the necklace and card up so that she could see what we had gotten her and her she immediately stopped dancing on the bar and looked me straight in the eyes and started to sob. She bent over off of the bar as we placed the necklace around her neck like she was royalty [ and in God’s eyes she is, because He sees her future} and then she literally fell into my arms and sobbed as she continually told us “thank you, you remember my birthday, I love you.” I know that in that moment B- felt God’s love for her, she may not have known what to call it but she felt God there just as much as I did. I realized as God was romancing my heart a week later that He was romancing hers in that moment, and for the first time ever B- felt real love, pure love, and a true love that can only come from the Lord.

He is still pursuing B-‘s heart just as much as he is pursuing mine, and lavishing his love over my heart to the point where my toes curl. Its true love, I’m so sure of it. 

* I took out B-'s real name for her protection :)                                                                                                                                          

Where you go, I will follow. [[States]]

       It is absolutely crazy how much changes in a year. I went from passionless and selfish living to letting God give me purpose, passion, and LIFE. You see ever since God set me apart in my mother’s womb he hasn’t stopped pursuing my heart, it was me that wasn’t letting God change me.

      I was living blind much like Saul did. In Acts chapter 9, God makes Saul aware that he is blind by actually blinding him. God told him to go to Damascus where there is a man waiting there to heal his blindness. Much like Saul, God showed me how blind I was and told me to go to Guatemala where there was freedom and healing for me. Acts 9:8 says “Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So THEY led him by the hand into Damascus.”  Saul heard God’s voice telling him to go where healing was waiting but he still had to have others lead him there. I knew God wanted me in Guatemala but I still had to have others lead me there. God provided people in my life to push and encourage me there, without which I may not have gone.

    “Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who has appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.” Acts 9:17-19  It took Saul realizing his blindness to see God’s power and call on his life, and in the same way it took God bringing me to Guatemala to see how blindly I really was living. God used an incredibly anointed body of Christ, being my team to heal me.

    Acts 9:20 says “At once, he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. “ Immediately after Saul was healed he began to live out his new found faith. From this point on in Acts Paul lives radically for his calling from Christ and many are added to the church because of it. The past year of my life has been a journey, one where God is daily making me more in his likeness and equipping me for the calling he has on my life. Many people have told me that I am just a completely different person from who I was before I left, and I am because God has healed my blindness and filled me with more of his Holy Spirit. I am new and I am not turning back. In Guatemala, we would sing the song “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back” with many of the orphans and children we loved on and I had no idea that God was engraving that in my heart. 

     In just two short months I will be whole-heartedly following God’s calling for me to lead a group of college girls into the brothels and bars of Thailand, to storm the gates of hell. God has given me the opportunity to pour into girls not only stuck in trafficking but also my college girls that may be stuck where I was. "Freely you have received, freely give" Matthew 10:8 As I sit here and type this, I have gotten a chance to reflect on all God has done in my life the past year, his grace for each step along the way, and the miracle he has performed on my life. Lord, you are faithful and I will follow you until the very end.

El decidido seguir a Cristo

No vuelvo atras

No vuelvo atras

The Shadow of the Cross [[States]]

   The shadow of the cross is where we are meant to live, to draw from and to run to. Galatians 5:24 says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passion and desires.” The day I made my covenant with Christ I crucified my sinful desires and passions, so that I could live in the shadow of the Cross. I traded my old heart for a new one [Ezekiel 36:26], a new heart with new passions and desires to glorify my father in heaven. So often I get caught up in the flesh, in what the world around me is counting beneficial, but that is when I need to run to the shadow and remind myself that “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law [or what I can do myself] Christ died for nothing” Galatians 2:20. I have been set apart by Christ [Jeremiah 1:5] but not to set aside the grace that God freely gives. He has not set me apart just to do righteous things but to comprehend the depths of the grace he freely gives for the moments I don’t quite measure up and must run to that shadow. In this, he produces a new identity for me, not one I can make for myself [because if that were so I would be a condemned sinner] but He has made for me through the cross. I am no longer identified as the condemned sinner- I am righteous, holy, and set apart through the resurrection of Jesus himself. The shadow of the cross holds all the strength I need to live a life sold out for Christ.

    For a shadow to exist there must be a source of light, and something for that light to reflect on. This world is full of light and shadows, moments we are overjoyed and moments where we are over sorrowed, but when we get the picture of the cross and the shadow it casts everything changes. Everything. Those dark moments where we are so sorrowful that we don’t know if we can make to the next day is replaced with what the shadow of the cross has to offer us. For the moments when sin seems to have a grip on us, when we are entangled in doubt and frustration we have the shadow of the cross.

In the shadow of the cross I find who I really am. I find freedom and victory. I find refuge and stability from this world.   I find my identity. I find my joy, my peace, and my passion. I find the strength to keep going.

Victories one after another. [[Guatemala]]

     Our last night of ministry in the bars came so fast. All that was running through our minds was that this was our last chance to impact these women's lives and all we could bank on was that God had victories in store that night. We had developed relationships with these women for 2 months and we were trusting that God would produce fruit from it. And oh how he did. That night quickly became one of the most impacting nights of not only several women in the bars but my own. With each victory that God blessed us with seeing we responded in praise and worship of song that filled the dark streets of Puerto Barrios. Here are a few stories of the victories that we saw, one after another. 
     First I want to tell you Nina's* story. Nina is a christian that was trapped in the slavery of sex trafficking. A few weeks prior some of my teammates had a conversation with her about how she could leave the bar and trust that God would provide for her. Easier said that done, and we left that bar heartbroken knowing that she, our sister in christ was stuck in the bar. Fast forward to our last night in the bars. We bought friendship bracelets to give a last reminder to these women that we loved them, and more importantly God did. We searched for Nina in the bar she normally worked at, but she was nowhere to be seen. my teammate went to the bar owner and asked where Nina was and said that she had something for her. The bar owner replied saying that she was not there. To be sure of what my teammate had just heard she asked again "where is nina?" And the bar owner replied once again, "She is not here, she quit and went back to family." You can most likely guess how we reacted when my teammate got back into the van and shared the news. We praised God for the fruit we were able to see, and the freedom that God gave Nina. 
       
        This next victory is a continuation of Ingrid's* story. See below. As God was breaking my heart for Ingrid I had no idea that he was working in hers. Our last night of ministry we were able to hear a little bit more of the story that God is writing for her life. From what was translated for us, Ingrid told us that she used to pray to a wooden idol of a saint. She was literally praying daily to a wooden block to get her out of this situation. As I listened to Ingrid weeks earlier, loved on her, spoke truth into her, and prayed over her God was doing something greater. He was changing her heart. Ingrid told us on our last night that she now prayed to our God, the one and true true God and that maybe tomorrow God would get her out of that bar. Once again God showed us fruit and a victory. I'm not sure where Ingrid is right now, but I know that God has started a good work in her, and He will bring it to completion. 
    That night God taught much more than I could explain with words. I found that once again, God is in complete control all the time. When we were investing in those women week after week and not seeing any change, God was watching and saying "Just wait for what I have in store, its far more than anything you could pray or ask for." And it was.
  

A rescue shop within a yard of hell [[Guatemala]]

"Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell" C.T. Studd
God does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to walk into the dark and be the light. Prostitute ministry is a rescue shop right within a yard of Hell. Satan has strong footholds in the bars that we walk into to the point that these women feel defeated. God calls us to be that rescue shop, to bring hope to places that appear hopeless and  to walk into the places that most christians would touch with a ten foot pole. God wants to give his daughters life and freedom but most of the women in the bars are not aware that it even exsists. God has been giving me a heart for this ministry, for these women who need to know that they are loved unconditionally by someone who wants them more than just for sex. It is not okay to me that most christians would rather not think about what really goes on in this world then step up and be the change that people like my friend *Ingrid needs. (* I have taken out Ingrids real name for her protection)
Here is Ingrid's story:
       I met Ingrid on a sunny afternoon inside a popular bar by the Puerto Barrios port. At night men pile into this bar and strip many women of their worth, Ingrid being no exception to this. I walked up to Ingrid who already had a guard up and a stern face staring at me. Frustrated that I didn't know very much spanish and she already had "I don't want to talk to you" written all over her face made our introduction very difficult. Speaking very broken spanish, I introduced myself and told her that I wanted to pray for her. Her guard stayed up as she hesitantly told me her name and a quick head nodd. I then asked her if there was anything that I could specifically pray for her for. Instantly her eyes began to well up and she started to tell me her story. From the spanish I understood she told me that she had been working at this bar for two months, and that she had 4 kids that lived in Honduras that she longed to be with. She was promised work and needed a way to provide for her kids that ended in her being stuck in this bar with broken promises and lost hope of seeing her children. Her only request was that I pray for protection over her four young boys. As I prayed for her, my heart broke for her. A single mom so desperate to provide for her kids that she entrusted someone to get her work and was forced into prostitution being stripped of her worth every night. I grabbed a teammate and I read to her out of Romans 8, sharing that nothing in this life can seperate us from the love that God has for his children. As I held her hand and shared God's hope with her I felt a peace that God was right there with us in that bar. I may not have understood every word Ingrid shared with me, or was even able to share all I wanted to with her but I know that we gave her hope to keep fighting. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us and hold our hand as we cry, and that is exactly how God used me to touch Ingrid. God called me to love Ingrid right where she was at right in the thick of her prison, and I know that God shined his light on her that afternoon. It broke my heart to leave Ingrid sitting in that bar, but I know that God is not finished with her yet. God is jealous for Ingrid's heart , and he is not going to let anything get in the way of His love for her.
"He will rescue them from oppression and violence for precious is their blood in his sight" Psalm 72:14