Left pieces of my heart in India...

Today we touched down on American soil for the first time in two months and I couldn’t help but let tears flow as the wheel hit the ground hard. I felt the reality of leaving so much of my heart in India hit hard with the landing. Images flooded my mind of the beautiful community that has grown from 11 strangers, Indian babies and the smiles that captured my heart, the tangible presence and favor of God we got to see, and all that the new normal that life has become for me in India entails.

In my mind I have always convinced myself that I’m a great blogger but in all reality I learned this summer that I have a really hard time putting to words the experiences I have overseas with Jesus and the moments that God gives me glimpses of his own heart and breaks mine for the hurting, the orphans, the beggar, and the lost. This summer I found a new way to really express that more and it was through capturing moments on film of what God sees through me. So here are some of my favorite moments that God blessed me with experiencing this summer. 

This is what the normal life became for us in India. Daily being flooded by Indian children yelling “hi how are you!” My heart is going to miss walking down dirty streets hand in hand with kids who don’t speak my language but knows my heart so well. 

This is my beautiful team of 11 Godly women. I was blessed with the opportunity to co-lead these beautiful girls and watch God transform their hearts and minds to His. This body was an unstoppable force this summer and brought redemption and healing to my life and so many others in India.

This beautiful girl captured my heart from the moment I met her. Malathi’s smile lit up a room in such a hopeless looking environment. Loving on her and being a part of her life the last 2 months has shown me a glimpse into what it looks like to have pure joy in all circumstances because of the Lord. Her heart is pure and one day she will see God with a perfect body. 

This precious baby girl is named chetu. She has taught me more in the past 2 months than she will ever be aware of. Her family hired someone to leave her to die in a train station when she was only 4 months old. From day one she has been fighting for life and hasn’t taken a breath since. She is stubborn, and beautiful and a lot of who I am. I got to document some of her very first steps- the moments where she finally defied the circumstances she was in. It was Beautiful and one of the moments where I experienced God the most in India. She has my heart for sure- and she will grow up into a woman who adores the Lord. I’ve spent countless hours holding, rocking, praying over and loving on this beautiful masterpiece Jesus made. 

So these are just a few pieces of my heart that are rooted in India. He does go before us and give us glimpses of His heart when we ask for it. 

Stretching

So we’ve been in India for over a week now and my heart has been pretty much all over the place. I’ve been stretched past what I thought was my capacity to love- and though hard, it has been so beautiful.

As a team we have made it a priority to come together as a body every morning on our rooftop overlooking the town and experience the presence of God in a variety of ways. The other morning, God gave me some insight into what He sees in this team of girls. As we were reading through Ephesians God spoke, 

“RATHER, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from which the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:15-16

The past week we have been going to the special needs orphanage and sitting with precious orphans that were left to die in train stations, bus stations, and on the streets. It is an overwhelming place to walk into with over 100 orphans begging for someone to come sit with them, rub their back, hold them, and stretch their limbs as a lot of them are immobile. I sat for over an hour with one precious baby girl named *shelly ( 4 years old)  stretching her legs. At first she didn’t like the idea of me moving her legs and working the muscles but soon enough we were sitting there laughing as I moved her body and stretched her limbs.

From doing ministry that day the Lord gave me insight into what He wants of our team and body of Christ. Right now we look pretty weak- we have been comfortable in our ways independently, and now we are seeing what it looks like to function in community together as a body of Christ. Our muscles are being stretched as we learn what it looks to seek God and work as one body but I am so sure that the Lord will build us into a strong body that will be used to change India.

Dreaming with the Lord [[States]]

The other day I was thinking about the plans that the LORD has been revealing to me of what long term missions looks like, and He brought this question to my mind. What is the point where most Christ followers stop dreaming with the LORD and start settling for the American Dream?

From the moment we can put a crown on our head or a cape on our back we are dreamers. We dream of what the future could look like as a princess or a hero. The possibilities are limitless. One thing I’ve found as I’ve traveled to South America and Asia is that dreamers cross through all cultures. When I was in Phuket this summer, I was looking out over our balcony and saw 3 young girls playing in the street with a strand of garland. I didn’t need to know thai to understand that these little girls were dreaming. One little girl was attaching the garland to another precious girl’s head like a veil, as they giggled and smiled away. 

I couldn’t help but think about the reality of their situation. As they dreamed, their culture was getting ready to steal their joy and push them into the sex trade. At that point, I begged the LORD to protect these young girls from a fate they couldn’t choose and draw them to his romancing heart instead.

You see, while we still have the choice to dream many people and even children are being robbed of it daily. Beautiful dreams are replaced with broken realities. 

I feel that a lot of American Christians find themselves watching their dreams in the review mirror.  I wish I could pause the moment where each person gives up dreaming with the LORD, take their head in my hands, and speak truth into their heart. We may come to a point where we need to put the princess crown on the shelf or the cape in a box but the LORD calls us to continually dream with Him. If we were sitting at a table across from each other at a coffee shop right now, I would encourage you in the fact that the LORD has plans for you that are far greater than you. I can assure you when you give up who you are trying to be in a beautiful exchange for a holy adventure with God, He takes you to places you couldn’t dream up yourself if you tried. 

Recklessly pursue the dreams the LORD gives you and you will experience depths of Him you didn’t even realize you could.

As the Spirit Leads [[States]]

 “He whispers in my ear, tells me I’m fearless. He shares a melody, and tells me to repeat it. And it makes me whole. It reminds my soul. I AM ALL HE SAYS I AM AND HE SAYS I AM HIS OWN.”

         It has been hard to be in this transition period of school almost being done and expectations of entering the grown up world. Most people my age are getting ready to look for jobs, enter grad school, looking for someone to spend their life with, and I know I am different. Most of my time is spent on my knees asking God what is next, flipping through memories of where God has begun to give me a passion for the lost, the hurting, the trafficked, and the weak in other nations. Every time I close my eyes, images flood my mind of the men, women, and children that have impacted my life half-way across the world and that God has given me a glimpse of how He loves them. I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced that overwhelming feeling of love for someone you don’t even know. To be drawn by the Spirit to someone, and to instantly feel their burdens and want to just share that love you know is coming from Jesus with them. I’ve been blessed to experience this several times now- first with Julito in Guatemala, then Ivania that I met on a dirty street in front of her prison of a bar in Puerto Barrios, orphans on the streets of Guatemala, Honduras, and Thailand, so many women in the bars on Bangla, and girls in my generation that He has placed in my life. It’s hard to explain the feeling, but I can tell you it is overwhelming and beautiful. 

      As the Lord teaches me more of what it looks like to tune my ear to Him and give the Spirit the reins, I realize that this is something that God created to be natural for us to do. We were made to naturally love others, to feel his heart beat faster when His precious daughter in Thailand finally understands her worth, to feel the sorrow He feels when the fatherless wander the streets in search for food and hope, and to love others as He does right where they are at. Whether I am in the states or in a distant nation I know this is what he calls me to, he beckons me to himself so that I can love His children and share how He feels about them.

    2 Corinthians 5:15-16 simply says this: “For the love of Christ controls us…From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh.” Reread that one more time. Christ’s love controls us so that we don’t treat anyone as their flesh is revealing in the moment. That means we treat others like they are already living at the maximum potential for God, even if they don’t know Him. Can you try to wrap your mind around that concept with me? When you listen to what God has to say about a person and then you call that out in them- you are regarding them as Christ does. Can you imagine how radically different this world would look if we put that into practice? We are called to naturally love others like Christ does—not just me but you too are called to love those around you to the potential of righteousness found in the King of Kings. We are all that God says we are- so take the challenge and start calling that out in the people around you with me.

    I may not know right now where God is going to call me to long term- or even what my life will look like in 6 months (because it will be drastically different- how could it not following the adventure my savior has for me?!) but I do know that I am going to continue to love those around me deeply as The Spirit leads.

New Normal [[States]]

   There have been many different times over the past two months that I have wanted to sit down and write, write my heart, what God’s revealing to me, what’s next but I haven’t been able to. If I write about the revelations God gave me in Thailand I just want to cry, and if I write about what God is teaching me here at home I just want to cry because it means I’m moving on when my heart so desperately wants to hold onto the memories of speaking life into women forced into prostitution in Guatemala in Thailand and the orphans I held, kissed, rocked, and loved.

   I can’t fully explain to you this feeling of having half of your heart here and half on the missions field.  Every time I serve on the west side of buffalo and I see different cultures, I just want to weep.  When I sit in class and learn more about exceptional education my professors don’t know that in my mind I’m replaying every moment I got to hold julito’s hand or toss a ball back and forth for hours with him, and that’s not normal. When I listen to my professor teach about the injustices of the past, she doesn’t know that I’m praying ferverently in my mind for C-, I-, B-, and each woman I have spent hours in bars with crying, laughing, and speaking life into. And when I still [yes, still] accidently throw my toilet paper in the garbage I am reminded that I was not created to just be here in America, to just live the “American dream” and die living for myself.  It’s okay that “normal” isn’t normal to me anymore.

I’m so grateful that my heavenly papa is so faithful to me. He’s faithful to the promises that He gives me. He’s faithful to my often wandering heart. He’s faithful to keep using me despite me. And as I sit here, patiently waiting for what’s next I take heart and know that He has a plan that is so much bigger than me.

“I am letting go of the ordinary in order to obtain a greater prize.”  That’s the new normal.