Rising to the Occasion

There are two primary choices in life: Accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them. 


Even though I haven't always understood why, God has made me to be a woman that always rises to the occasion. He puts me in a set of circumstances that is difficult, heart-breaking, and impossible looking and then gently asks, 'Will you rise to the occasion, my precious daughter?' I've never said no yet, and I honestly can't see myself ever saying no to my beautiful Father God. That doesn't, however, mean that it is easy by any means of the definition.

The past two weeks in Kolkata have been rough. I've seen poverty that is more in your face than I've ever experienced in my life, I've seen dying people hungry for hope, children roaming the streets at one in the morning without a mother to protect them, and clearly have heard God asking me to rise to the occasion. This has meant putting myself in some really tough places abandoning comfort and reason- to love the poorest of the poor, and the sickest of the sick.

I've found myself abandoning more of myself- renouncing my so called 'needs' in attempts to feel God's heart for these people.

Mother Teresa herself says, "Renouncing means to offer my free will, my reason, my life,  in an attitude of faith. My soul can be in darkness; trials are the surest tests of my blind renunciation.  Renunciation also means love. The more we renounce, the more we love God and man."

Being around the sisters in Mother Teresa's home and the different homes they have for the dying, disabled, orphaned, and abandoned has taught me so much about renouncing myself. These women daily renounce their needs to meet the needs of others- and they have made a covenant with God to do this for their entire lives, something I'm not really sure I can comprehend right now.

I still am learning how to come to the end of myself, and God has begun to let me feel the weight of my calling and my commitment to educate and restore the trafficked in Asia. It is going to take huge sacrifice, no doubt.

I was in the hospital with a good friend a couple nights ago, waking up every half-hour with her and when a nurse would walk in the room- leaving me with little sleep and plenty of time to think. What I journaled explains a little bit of how God is changing my heart for renunciation and sacrifice.

I woke up in a new place again for what feels like the hundredth time in the past two months. This time in a hospital room with my friend. I used to wake up frantic in a new place and it would sometimes take hours to convince myself I was safe and okay. But last night I just turned to the other side and fell right back asleep when the nurses left the room. 
So much traveling makes 'safe and okay' take on a completely new definition. I was laying awake thinking about how safe I really am in you Father, God. No matter where I'm at in this world you are my constant, my safe haven, and my house of peace. Holy Spirit can take me to those places when it feels like the ground beneath me starts to shake or even crumble beneath me. 

I also felt the realness of sacrifice a little bit. Living for Kingdom to come to the nations means I will probably be in a hospital room in a foreign country again in my life, and it means I will wake up in countless new places with new faces. It means not always being able to choose comfort or what I want, or even who I want to go to for comfort and encouragement. 

BUT...

It DOES mean great intimacy with you, Father. 
It means a constant increase in trust and faith in you to provide for my needs. 
It means finding my strength buried in you every day. 
It means the craziest adventure I could ever dream up for myself not even coming close  to what you have for me.
It means always having to rely on your stability and safety in my life. 
It means not always knowing, but having all the wisdom and revelation that is treasured in you, God. 
It means sometimes being poor and living like the poor, but knowing I'm the richest daughter in the world because of you, God. 
It means seeing brokenness, hurt, pain, neglect, and death every day but getting to choose joy in You anyways God and pour out that hope anyways.

For the moments that seem overwhelming living amidst this chaos, and when that word sacrifice feels so heavy I don't think I can bear what it means- I choose to be grateful that God has allowed me to serve the poor. I choose this adventure with you God, over comfort, knowing, and 'stability.' I choose your intimacy, your overwhelming peace, and to continue to seek deeper parts of your heart for your people and for me. 

Love is Never Wasted

Love is never wasted.

These words ring life and hope into me. They breathe purpose into my lungs. They string together all the moments in the past couple months where I've questioned if I loved the people I encountered enough.

I've never, in my time traveling the world moved around as much as I have in Cambodia and India on this journey and even not I'm still not finished. I've met possibly hundreds of faces and names (most of which I Couldn't pronounce) each with there own story, struggles, and needs. I've seen first hand the evils of child trafficking, the poorest of the poor, the neglected, abused, abandoned, and forgotten-some who have come to the end of their hope even as an infant. I wish I had some great profound answer for all that I've seen and the hands that I've held. Honestly, I'm mostly left with more questions than anything, the biggest one being 'Did I love them enough?'

Did I take nugget on enough bike rides through the Cambodian back roads in the village?

Did I spend enough time with my teachers when they are so hungry for more of my time?

Did I snuggle little Dahlia enough when all shes known is people to keep leaving her life?

Did I take *Veronica on enough holding hands and ice cream dates to show her that the abuse she faced won't overcome her?

Did I hold Monea's hand enough when she felt trapped in her own limited body and didn't have an escape?

Did I give the 5 year old begging for money enough of my smile and hand to hold to relieve the demands being placed on her?

And then God's peace overwhelms me. Like a rush of cool breeze on a hot sweaty, elbow to elbow Indian public bus. And God whispers in my ear that love is never wasted.

Every bike ride, every teaching moment, every sweet snuggle time, every ice cream date, every eye contact that I've given even if for a moment held the power of great love, because of the great love that's captured my heart and life.

One moment of great love can change everything. It changed my whole life, and through me it's changing the lives around me too.

Love really never can be wasted, so don't underestimate the power behind even the smallest acts of love. 

Coming Alive Again [Picture Blog]

It has been a crazy couple weeks transitioning from Cambodia to India. I have been at a loss of words to blog all that God has been teaching me and all the places He has taken me, but when I seem to come to this point where I can't form words, God always allows photography to come back into my life.

 I've found that I really love taking pictures and capturing the natural moments of joy in others- whether thats an orphan or street child or just your average Joe in other countries. I love having my eye behind the lens waiting for the perfect moment to capture a piece of God in someone else.

I've also found that I can't capture moments that aren't in my promised lands. I tried taking pictures in several countries in Europe and America and it was like I had never held a camera in my life, but the second I set foot in Cambodia and back on Indian soil the past month and a half my pictures have come alive again. And I have come alive again myself, too. 

It somehow wasn't a surprise when I was asked to photograph the village in Cambodia I stayed in and the children I was going to be living with in India. God knows our hearts so intimately and loves to speak through us through different means than just our mouths. He takes our gifts and lets them come to life when we come alive. 

So, here are my words to my life the past month and a half. 

Keep Hope In Your Eyes

Kampong Speu, Cambodia

Create Something New Everyday

Kampong Speu, Cambodia

These Hands You've Made To Hold, My Beloved. 

Hyderabad, India

Beauty In The Fight For Life

Hyderabad, India

In Your Presence I'm Made Whole 

Hyderabad, India

No Shore In Sight

I've started probably 3 different blogs in the past couple days at an attempt to share what my life looks like right now here in Cambodia. All have been wordy and described a glimpse of the trafficking, poverty, brokenness, and needs of the beautiful people here in Cambodia but I have stopped writing each half way, knowing they don't suffice to what Holy Spirit really wants me to say. So I'm going to get really honest and really vulnerable quick- bear with me.

The past three days for me have been really difficult and really revealing to where my heart is and where God is taking me. I've learned pretty quickly that with a calling this heavy comes a lot of responsibility- responsibility that I can choose to pick up or brush off. I can set out from the shore with my staff into deep waters or I can stay near the familiarity of land a few rows away.

To be perfectly frank, if I want to see freedom come to my teachers and students from the strongholds and bondage of darkness, then I can't have any of that on me. The past three days have been sitting in a small room in a hostel in Phnom Penh letting God painfully surface things I need to let go of. From fear of letting go of control, to hurts that still remained from past relationships, to fear of the unknown--I felt overwhelmed. These are things I know that most people carry for their entire lives, most of the time unaware they are even lingering- much like myself. Most of the things The Spirit brought up were things I didn't know were even hovering over me still and as I asked why He chose to bring them up all at once now, I realized the answer to that was already clear.

 If there is room for anything to surface in a storm it will surface, and I know I'm headed into a storm with my boat to the middle of the deep sea with no shore in sight.

The boat is pointed towards a storm but the beautiful thing is God has called me to be the eye of the storm. A place where He himself can rest because He trusts me. He trusts me to care for these women and these children and to take steps with them back towards the eye of the storm where there is peace and clarity to see hope and new life.

If there is one thing I am beginning to see more as truth daily it's that the natural and the spiritual very much go hand in hand. We are a door for Kingdom to be accessed here on earth and that means that even when we are just sitting down for coffee with a friend we are a door for them to access the kingdom of God. I was sitting downstairs the other day in the hostel and a woman here looked at me after I smiled at her and said 'When you smile I can't help but smile too.' Naturally it was just a smile, but spiritually she was seeing a hope in me that she couldn't help but feel when I was around. That hope of Christ in me is what so many Cambodians need restored in them. Hope to smile, to dream, to laugh, and to be free again.

1 Corinthians 2 says that "we have the mind of Christ" and if I have the mind of Christ I can access His thoughts, ideas, plans, desires, and compassions by the Sprit of God that resides in me. Naturally I don't have everything I need to lead these teachers to freedom but spiritually I have access to all of my Heavenly Father that does. It is so beautiful to see that my natural gifts partner so well with what the Spirit wants to do through me.

I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm releasing, and finding that my natural partnership with Holy Spirit is exactly what is needed to stand in the storm.  

Tuk-Tuks, Khmai, and Hungry People

We arrived here in Cambodia only 3 short days, but it feels like The Lord has taken us on a crazy amazing whirlwind of an adventure already with Agape. We have spent the past three days soaking in the culture of busy streets, tuk-tuks, khmai, and humble people hungry for hope. For only being here for such a short time this place-Agape in particular feels like home. The American staff feel like home. The Cambodian teachers feel like home. The kids running around barefoot with huge smiles on their faces feel like home.

I sat in a staff meeting yesterday with the teachers I will be discipling and pouring into here and I can honestly say I really love them. They are people filled with a hunger to grow- in their relationship with The Lord and their students. Most of them are barely keeping their head above water and dealing with some tough things in their own pasts while trying to teach kids that are broken and trafficked themselves. But they are hungry for hope, for improvement, and for healing. They have been waiting a long time for someone to come and to pour into them and build relationships with them- and as soon i showed up they didn't stop asking me questions and wanting that relationship. August feels like an eternity before I can come back and become a part of this body of Christ and help to build it up but I am so humbled and honored knowing they are waiting and ready for me to come back.

Last night I spent some time just seeking The Lord on what He really wants to do through me in working for Agape and His answer tasted like sweet honey as He spoke it to me. He gave me this beautiful picture of Him leading me to a building site hand in mine and as we watched these men build the school building, He spoke dreams and life into me. Like a daddy-daughter conversation, just sitting in God's presence was so beautiful and He said 'As they build the walls of the school, you will be building up the staff of Cambodian teachers. Their foundation is me but now it is time to build the body up into a unified force of love.'

Agape has purchased an open plot of land that is filled with potential to be a place of healing, love, and greater opportunities  for students in Svay Pak that are being trafficked and abused daily. I believe that as we physically build up that school on the land, He will be building up this body of Christ in the teachers that will be a wrecking ball to strongholds, warfare, and anything that comes against the hope of their students and their futures. I am honored to be a part of this- to teach and train these Cambodian teachers that will change their own village of Svay Pak and nation.

God has called me to speak things into existence that not yet are and to build. I speak over this school and staff that they will speak the truth in love growing up in everyone to Him who is the head, into Christ, from which the whole body joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when every part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4) I am ready to equip, build up and love this body of Christ until they do the same for each other.

Tomorrow Andrea and I head into the village of Kampong Speu to love on some amazing kids and teach English and bible studies. We are still in need of finances and prayer to continue this journey- If you would like to partner with this hit the parter with me tab and there is a pay pal link :) Please be praying for us- for what The Lord wants to do through us in this village and for my staff of teachers in Svay Pak- that The Lord would be preparing their hearts for healing and growth and unity in the faith. Grateful for all of you!!! 

From Europe to Asia.

I graduate here in four days, and in nine days I will once again be stepping onto a plane headed to the nations to love on people in the poorest places in the world. I have mixed emotions as I try to process all this change that is quickly happening- leaving my tribe here in Spain and stepping into the unknown once again with Jesus. Even amidst all this change I still have my peace and my savior who I can press into in the unknown and trust as my constant.

This trip over the next two months is one that I know is going to be life changing, there is so much depth to God's heart that I want to discover and see His love for new faces and old faces that I love in India. There is so much on the horizon waiting for my roommate Andrea and I and we are ready to meet God in the toughest places and the most hopeless looking places in the world and bring the light and life that we hold.

Here are the where and what's of the trip:

First stop: Phnom Penh, Cambodia

We will be staying in Phnom Penh for a couple of days when we first arrive to apply for Indian Visas and to visit Agape International Missions to see where I will be moving in August. I will get the opportunity to meet the staff I will be working with, see the school I will be working in, and start to build some relationships.

Next Stop: Kampong Speu, Cambodia

The Lord made it very clear that we are supposed to be working with YWAM and in this village. We will be teaching english, leading bible studies and loving on the people in this small village on the outskirts of Phnom Penh. We will be taking bucket showers, catching lice, bringing the presence of God and loving every minute of it.

Next Stop: Andhra Pradesh, India

We will be working with Sarah's Covenant Homes in two locations: Hyderabad and a disclosed town 6 hours from Hyderabad. Both Andrea and I have already worked here and fallen in love with some of the kids there and we cannot wait to see them again! Sarah's covenant homes works with children with special needs that have been abandoned often times for death. I will also begin the process of asking God what squatter camp He wants be to build a school and safe house for trafficking victims at. The disclosed town is where I first encountered trafficking and a squatter camp and where God created the wound in me to show me that I need to do something about it.

Final Stop: Calcutta, India

Andrea and I are teaming with two of our roommates here in Spain (Brant and Josh) to work at the Mother Theresa home in Calcutta. Our heart in this is to not only love on the kids in the orphanage and adults in the house of the dying but to be the life and light of who God really is to those also working with us there. This organization although built on a foundation of Christ, has a variety of volunteers from all over the world that have come to find themselves or something more in life- and we want to be the light pointing them to Christ. I will also visit some more squatter camps and listen to where God is leading, still asking Him what squatter camp He wants me working with long term.

I cannot wait to see where and what God leads us to in these places. This vision trip is vital to what God is leading me into next working for Agape International Missions and for pioneering my own school and safe house in India. The total of this trip is $3000 and I am in need of partners both prayerfully and financially. If you would like to give there is a paypal link in the partner with me tab above, and if you would like to be on my prayer team you can send me an email at hendeesl01@yahoo.com  

I am so grateful for all The Lord is doing in my life and all the people who are a part of this adventure with me.

Wrapped in His Promises

The sights and smells of India are unforgettable.

Burning trash, incense, and exhaust everywhere. Add a downpour of rain to this mix and you've got a smelly wet beautiful mess.

That is exactly where I was seven months ago- standing in an Indian market surrounded by colorful jewelry, trinkets, cloth, and so much more.  I bartered back and forth for a colorful blanket filled with elephants and left the market that day unaware of the significance it had and what God wanted to speak to me about. As we lifted off of Indian ground, my heart knew I would be back and God had spoken that I would be back too.

Fast forward to France this past New Years. I felt a wound begin to reopen that I hadn't realized I had gotten when I was in india. Every day on the train into Paris we would pass a squatter camp of Romanian gypsies living under tarps in poverty and every time we did my heart wrenched. Casually on one of our rides in, our French friend told us they were uneducated and trafficked. My heart instantly thought back to India, where we lived next to a squatter camp where I knew the kids were being trafficked. I had no power to do anything about it while I was  there and it created a wound in me that felt like it was re-ripped open in France. It was in that moment in France where I felt exposed and bleeding that I realized that God was speaking for me to do something about it.

The past month and a half have been a time of me trying to wrap my mind around how all this will be put together and where God really wants me. The days that I am overwhelmed God gives me reminders that I am wrapped in His promises and it's okay that my mind can't wrap around them. I've slept wrapped in my blanket from India ever since I left that land and it wasn't until this week that I realize what words are on the blanket and the further reassurance of His promises to me.

In French, the words read: l'homme propose dieu dispose

"Man plans, God has."

I could have planned a nice life for myself. A nice teaching job, dream home, 2.5 children but The Lord had other plans for me. Plans for me to teach the uneducated and love on the trafficked in places where they are considered less than human. He has called India my promise land- filled with milk and honey or burning trash and beautiful people.

I share my somewhat scattered heart to let you in on this journey with me.

In one month I graduate from G42 and will go to India and Cambodia with one of my amazing roommates. I am going to India to ask The Lord where exactly he wants me to start my own ministry there.

I'm also going to Cambodia to see where I will be living when I move there later this summer. In Cambodia I will be working for Agape International Missions, teaching children who are currently being trafficked. This is just the start of something bigger for me in India and will be a place for me to learn, grow, and serve under a thriving anti-trafficking ministry.

I am still prayerfully and financially in need. If you want to partner in what God is doing here at G42 in Spain, Cambodia, or India you can hit the partner with me button above. I can't do any of this without you and I am blessed to have such amazing supporters of Gods kingdom work through me.